How To Start Over After Divorce

Starting over after divorce can be an overwhelming process to navigate. The knee jerk reaction is to get back out there and start dating as soon as possible. As matchmakers, we find that the heart, mind, and body don’t always agree with that notion. And many newly divorced singles find themselves ill-prepared for the dramatically different dating landscape in which they find themselves.

When you call your company’s IT manager to complain about a stalled out computer, the first question they ask is, “Did you reboot?” In that same notion, after divorce, life can stall to the point that a reboot is necessary.

Consider ways you can refresh your life and get excited about starting over after divorce and finding love again.

The “starting over after divorce” reboot is different for everyone but might include things like this:

• Give your bedroom a makeover. Recreate an inviting space that doesn’t remind you of your ex-spouse.
• If you’re sleeping in the same bed, buy new sheets and bedding.
• Clean out your closet, and purchase a couple of fun, flirty outfits. Make sure you feel great in your clothes!
• Take care of yourself and feel your best. Get back into a routine of healthy eating, sleep, and exercise. If you’ve been imbibing too much during the life-transition, consider a “dry month” to reboot.
• Contact a single friend you admire and trust – someone you can be boldly honest with – and go on a divorce recovery getaway. Verbalize what you want and need. Express your fears and insecurities and get feedback. Ask all of your “modern dating” questions. And get them to help you set up a dating profile and curate great pictures to include. It’s comforting to have a wing (wo)man while you’re getting back into dating again after a long hiatus.
• Shake off the loss of “we” by reclaiming your identity. Make efforts to spend “me-time” doing things you want to do and connecting with people you enjoy. Discover new music, movies, books, and food you like.
• Start flirting. Baby steps build confidence! So practice smiling and making small talk when you’re out in the wild. If you’re attracted to someone, don’t be afraid to engage them in conversation and see what happens. The more you practice, the better you’ll get.
• Make time for reflection with daily quiet time or meditation. Starting over after divorce requires a mindset shift, and it’s critical to stop, breathe, and connect with your inner-navigational system.
• Build your confidence by listening to your gut. As matchmakers we think you should say “yes” more than you say “no,” but certainly don’t ignore your intuition. Don’t ever do anything you aren’t comfortable doing because you’re afraid to speak up or hurt someone’s feelings.

Hisparadise International CEO, Johnnywriter says, “Dip your toe in the dating pool before you make a splash! I see many singles starting over after divorce dive headfirst into dating. They often find themselves feeling overwhelmed in an intimate moment with someone new. Sharing that part of yourself again after a divorce is an emotional thing. And it’s okay to take things slow and make sure you’re ready before you go there.”

Starting over after divorce takes a lot of energy, and staying positive can sometimes be a challenge. But remember that your most important job during this transition is to be kind to yourself and enjoy the journey.